Chus Martinez On Dominance And Submission

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Dominance and submission (also called D&s, Ds, and D/s) is a set of behaviours, customs and rituals involving the giving by one individual to another individual of control over them in an erotic episode or as a lifestyle.

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Physical contact is not a necessity, and it can even be conducted anonymously over the telephone, email or other messaging systems. In other cases, it can be intensely physical, sometimes traversing into sadomasochism. In D/s, both parties take pleasure or erotic enjoyment from either dominating or being dominated. Those who take the superior position are called dominants, doms (male) or dommes (female), while those who take the subordinate position are called submissives or subs (male or female). A switch is an individual who plays in either role. Two switches together may negotiate and exchange roles several times in a session. “Dominatrix” is a term usually reserved for a female professional dominant who dominates others for pay.

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Dominance and submission, and the inner conflict and surrender connected with these are enduring themes in human culture and civilization. In human sexuality this has broadened to include mutual exploration of roles, emotions and activities that would be difficult or impossible to do without a willing partner taking an opposing role.

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A 1985 study suggests that only about 30% of participants in BDSM activities are females. A 1995 study indicates that 89% of heterosexual females who are active in BDSM expressed a preference for a submissive-recipient role in sexual bondage, suggesting also a preference for a dominant male, and 71% of heterosexual males preferred a dominant-initiator role.

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A safe word is usually given to the submissive partner to prevent the dominant from overstepping physical and emotional boundaries. The safe word is especially important when engaging in verbal humiliation or playing ‘mind-games’ because the submissive may not be aware of an emotional boundary until it is crossed. If an emotional boundary is breached and the safe word called, the dominant should cease all play immediately and discuss the emotional breach with the submissive in a tender and understanding manner. Negotiating limits in advance is also an important element in a D/s relationship.

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It is important to note that for a safe, sane and consensual environment to be maintained, all participants should have a safe word of which the other is aware; this includes the dominant partner. While it may not seem so from the outside, Dominants will also have limits and boundaries of their own, and should not only have a safe word, but be comfortable calling it if their own limits are exceeded. This includes cases where the dominant may feel things have gone too far, and are uncomfortable continuing. As with a safe word call from any other, it should herald the stopping all play and a recuperative discussion between the participants.

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There can be any number of partners in a D/s relationship, in some cases with one dominant sometimes having several submissives, who may in turn dominate others, or a submissive sometimes may have multiple dominants. Relationships may be monogamous or polyamorous. Romantic love is not necessarily a feature in D/s, partners might be very much in love or have no romantic relationship at all.

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Variation in D/s is virtually limitless and the activities take many forms. These may include: domestic servitude or consensual slavery, enforced chastity of the submissive, erotic humiliation, sexual slavery, verbal humiliation, fetishes, such as shoe/boot worship, dehumanisation (pony or animal play) or objectification (forniphilia, becoming an ‘inanimate object’ such as a foot stool), cross-dressing, whipping, corporal punishment, trampling, human toilet – golden showers, feminization, cuckold, bondage (sexual), public humiliation.

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These may be combined with other forms of BDSM. A classic example of D/s is the sissymaid, where an adult male dresses in cartoonish female clothing and performs stereotypical female chores such as housecleaning or serving tea. It should be noted that cross-dressing in D/s does not always involve a desire to be sissified or made into caricatures of women or to serve; for example, others may desire to be made as beautiful as possible and interact on a “girlfriend-to-girlfriend” non-sexual basis. Consent is a vital element in all psychological play, and consent can be granted in many ways.

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Some people maintain a special room or area, called a dungeon, which contains special equipment (shackles, handcuffs, whips, queening stools and spanking benches or a Berkley horse, for example) used for play scenes, or they may visit a BDSM club that maintains such facilities.

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Many submissives wear a “collar” to denote their status and commitment. It can be much like a wedding band, except that only the submissive partner wears one. The traditional collar is a neck band in leather or metal, chosen, designed or even crafted by the dominant partner. Some subs wear a “symbolic collar”, often a bracelet or ankle chain, which is more subdued than the traditional collar and can pass in non-BDSM situations. It is not uncommon for a sub to have several collars for special occasions. Dog collars are integral for K9 role-playing—pup-play.

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Golden Showers With Chus Martinez

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Urolagnia (also urophilia, undinism, golden shower and watersports) is a paraphilia in which sexual excitement is associated with the sight or thought of urine or urination. The term has origins in the Greek Language (from ouron, urine, and lagneia, lust).

Those who enjoy urolagnia may enjoy urinating on another person or persons, or being urinated upon. Some participants may drink the urine; this practice is known as urophagia, though uraphagia refers to the consumption of urine regardless of whether the context is sexual. Urolagnia enthusiasts may participate in urolagnia as part of a domination and submission fetish, though not all sexual activity involving urine is categorised as BDSM. These activities are often described with the slang terms golden showers, water sports, or piss play. Urolagnia is sometimes associated with omorashi, though in Western culture, omorashi is typically distinguished from urolagnia, with terms such as bladder desperation or panty wetting.

As a paraphilia, urine may be consumed or the person may bathe in it. Other variations include arousal from wetting or seeing someone else urinate in their pants or underclothes, or wetting the bed. Other forms of urolagnia may involve a tendency to be sexually aroused by smelling urine-soaked clothing or body parts. In many cases, a strong correlation or conditioning arises between urine smell or sight and the sexual act. For some individuals the phenomenon may include a diaper fetish and/or arousal from infantilism. Watersports may also be used in BDSM role play as a form of humiliation, sometimes involving desperation until incontinence or infantilization, sometimes physical humiliation associated with being urinated on or pressured to consume urine. In cases, a person is aroused by merely staging situations where others can either witness that person wet his or her clothing or smell the scent of his or her urine.

Urolagnia is sometimes associated with, or confused with, arousal from having a full bladder or a sexual attraction to someone else experiencing the discomfort or pain of a full bladder, a sadomasochistic inclination. In the hanky code, urolagnia is symbolized by a yellow bandana in the right or left pants pocket.

Some common variations of urolagnia:

Desperation – The act of holding one’s own urine until the need to urinate is urgent, making another hold in their urine, or watching another person with an urgent need to urinate. This fetish sometimes originates from childhood memories of being or of seeing another needing to urinate. Arousal may be triggered by seeing the body movements or facial expressions of that person. It can also be heightened by the person saying that they have to urinate.

Voyeurism – Seeing another urinate without the person’s knowledge either through video taping by a hidden camera, or by lurking in locations where people are urinating or are likely to have an urge to urinate.

Clothes wetting – The person is sexually aroused by wetting one’s clothing or observing another person doing so. Usually that person prefers to stage the wetting so that his/her legs (or other body parts) become soaked with urine. The warm sensation felt when urine trickles on the body may give very relaxing and pleasurable feelings to the person. In many cases, there is a sense of aroused from smelling body parts that stink of urine. Sone get turned on by telling others about wetting themselves.

Exhibitionism – Becoming noticeably desperate or wetting oneself with the express purpose of being seen by strangers. Practitioners have described going to public places such as a mall or a park. Some intend to create situations where others can see their wet clothing.

Pussing – British expression for an activity involving a consenting couple where the male partner watches the woman urinate otherwise undetected in a semi-public place, usually a toilet cubicle at a pub, hotel, restaurant, theatre/cinema, office, club etc. The strategies and tactics that are used to smuggle one of the couple into and out of the toilet undetected are almost or as important as the urination. The activity is done by itself or as a part of or prelude to other activities which many times involve sex.