Posted: February 11, 2013 Filed under: Chus Martinez, fetishism, sex, toilet love | Tags: analingus, animal play, BDSM, body worship, bondage, bottom, CBT, cock and ball torture, cunnilingus, dom, dominance, domme, edgeplay, ejaculation, erotic excitement, erotic humiliation, fallation, foot fetish, humiliation, humiliatrix, master, mistress, paraphilia, restraint, sadomasochism, safeword, sexual role play, shoe fetish, slapping, slave, spanking, spitting, submissive, toilet love, top, urination, verbal humiliation, whipping
Erotic humiliation is the consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another; it is often, but not always, accompanied by sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity. The humiliation need not be sexual in itself; as with many other sexual activities, it is the feelings derived from it that are sought, regardless of the nature of the actual activity. It can be verbal or physical, and can be relatively private or public. Often it can become ritualized, and unlike some sexual variations it can also be easily carried out over a long distance (online or via the telephone etc.). The distinction between humiliation and dominance in an activity such as erotic spanking is that the sought effect is primarily the humiliation; the activity is just a means to that end.
While fantasy and fascination with erotic humiliation is a prevalent part of BDSM and other sexual role play, relatively little has been written on it. Humiliation play can, however, be taken to a point where it becomes emotionally or psychologically distressing to one or the other partner, especially if it is public humiliation. Erotic humiliation can become extreme enough to be considered a form of edgeplay, which some consider may best be approached with advance negotiation and use of a safeword. This is a highly subjective issue, and depends greatly on context.
The person being humiliated is often called a bottom, and the person who humiliates the bottom is often called the top, though these are standard terms used in general dominant/submissive role play and are not specific to humiliation interests. The top, if female, sometimes is called the humiliatrix. Other common names are slave and sub/submissive, for the bottom, and Master/Mistress and Dom/Domme, for the top.
Humiliation is not the same as dominance: the devotee does not necessarily seek to be ordered about. However, elements of erotic humiliation may be desirable to a number of dominance based activities. Humiliation comes into its own as a sexual force when the devotee seeks the humiliation over and above the means: when being spanked is primarily valued because of the belittlement involved, for example. Humiliation therefore encompasses a range of paraphilia, including foot fetish, shoe fetish, body worship, spanking, bondage, and most BDSM styles. It can be as basic as the desire to kiss and massage feet as a precursor to sex; and it can be complex, involving role play and public displays of subservience. It can also be for a set period of time (a “scene”) or an ongoing facet of a relationship. The humiliation is not intrinsic to the act or the object. Rather, it is semiotically charged by the shared attitude of the partners engaged in the act. They invest specific acts, objects, or body parts with a humiliating aspect.
Many scenarios may give rise to sexual humiliation. Some scenarios may be based on verbal abuse and others on physical aspects. Some possible examples are as follows:
Animal play—describing the submissive as a pet, dog, girl, or bitch; making the submissive eat and drink from pet food and water bowls.
Various verbal belittlement, with such words as slave, boy, girl, missy, and pet. Also other forms of verbal humiliation including insults and verbal abuse, such as fat, ugly, stupid, worthless, slut, shit, bitch, and whore. Verbal slighting of body parts and behaviours, such as disparaging or cruel references to breasts, facial appearance, genitalia (including size), buttocks, and slighting of such mannerisms as walking, responsiveness, and standard of self-care. Forced verbal repetition, such as the submissive’s being obliged to repeat commands that he or she has been given and to confirm them. Likewise, forced flattery, such as agreeing that every decision that the dominant makes is wise, correct, and justifiable, while additionally praising the dominant’s physical and personality traits. Mockery, derision, and ridicule. Scolding of the type commonly reserved for children.
Requirement to ask permission for everyday activities: such as going to the toilet, spending money, and eating.
Physical humiliation. Ejaculating, spitting, and urinating on the submissive’s body, especially the face. Servitude. Forced sexual degradation, including such acts as erotic massage, cunnilingus, analingus, and fellatio.
Detailed accountability and control (micro-management) as to time spent and activities done, including lists of jobs to do, precise directions as to how the job is to be performed, and exactly how to act and behave.
Specific rituals and affectations to be adopted. This includes displays of subservience, such as lighting cigarettes, walking a pace behind the dominant, speaking only when spoken to, kneeling or prostrating oneself in front of the dominant when expecting orders, eating only after others or on the floor, and low-status place to sleep.
Body worship, including such activities as kissing or licking the dominant’s feet, boots, buttocks, anus, vulva, etc. to express acknowledgment, subservience, shame, and even positive emotions (such as happiness and excitement).
Deprivation of privacy, which may include the submissive’s never being able to leave the room in which the dominant is present without permission.
The dominant watches while the submissive uses the toilet.
The submissive’s being forbidden to leave the house or ‘dungeon’ in general for the duration of slavery or servitude, etc.
Discipline (BDSM), including erotic spanking, slapping, whipping, restraint, and other BDSM activities (such as cock-and-ball torture (CBT)).
Dresscode (BDSM): prescriptions and proscriptions of clothing, even in public. For women, a common example is being mandated to wear only bikinis or lingerie. For men, forced feminizing and cross-dressing. Both sexes may be expected to go completely naked, with decorative objects such as collars, diapers, bands, tiaras, and cuffs as the only exceptions.
Erotic sexual denial including the use of a chastity belt. The submissive being forced to wear a gag or restraints on the body.
Public humiliation, in which the submissive’s friends or family, or strangers, are aware of or even witness the treatment.
Erotic objectification, in which the submissive is used as human furniture, such as a footstool.
Forced anal penetration, with dildos, anal plugs, and similar objects.
Cuckolding, a mostly heterosexual fetish in which the dominant woman has sex with a man outside of the relationship while the submissive man may or may not be present. If the man is not present, he might help her choose what clothes to wear when she meets the other man, or they might get together afterward so she can tell him about it, either while having sex or in addition to withholding sex. If the man is present during the cuckolding, he may or may not be allowed to pleasure himself while watching. The cuckolding may or may not be followed by sex between the couple. Another variant of the cuckolding fetish is that a heterosexual couple fantasizes that another man has already impregnated the woman.
The submissive having to ask permission to orgasm during sex or masturbation.
Forced masturbation in a humiliating manner.
Feelings of humiliation are key to many of those engaged in klismaphilia.
Some sexual humiliation involves physical inflicting pain, but much of it is far more concerned with ridicule, mocking, degradation, and embarrassment.
Sexual role playing can involve humiliation. For example, one person might play the part of a dog because he or she enjoys being mock-forced into it, and the top might emphasize the lowness of the bottom’s status as an animal, whereas another person might play the role of the dog without any element of humiliation, simply as an expression of an inner animal or playful spirit.
Humiliation in general stimulates the same brain regions that are associated with physical pain, the inference being that humans evolved to remember social rewards and punishments as strongly as they recall physical reward or pain in response to their environment. As with any form of pain experimentation in a sexual context, consent and (paradoxically) a high degree of awareness and communication are needed to ensure that the result is desirable, rather than abusive. For example, a submissive may enjoy being insulted in some ways but be genuinely crushed and devastated if humiliated or insulted in other ways.
Humiliation play is also connected to sexual fetishism, in that non-sexual activities may become sexualised by association with arousal, and also may be associated with exhibitionism in the sense of wanting others to witness (or being aroused by others witnessing) one’s sexual degradation.
For some people, activities such as name-calling are a way of achieving ego reduction or getting over sexual inhibitions. For example, between gay people, terms usually associated with homophobia may be used, such as faggot and dyke.
As with all sexual activities, some people have sexual fantasies about humiliation, and others actually undertake it as a lifestyle or in a scene. Sexual fantasies relating to mild humiliation are common. Some humiliation role play (pup-play and age play in particular) is combined with loyalty and care-giving to the extent that these fetishes can be seen as exercises in trust rather than primarily a humiliation fetish. The desire to be beneath the other partner during intercourse, the idea of “getting caught” (as in having sex in the garden or woods), and mild rape fantasies (in which the people imagine themselves to be forced in ways they would like, and which must be seen as completely different from any real form of rape) are mild emotional games that emphasise status, vulnerability, and control. For most people such ideas remain fantasies.
Many people worry about being ridiculed for their fetishes, and such ridicule from their partners could be psychologically catastrophic. Therefore, many people use online humiliation (in which the humiliator and others are involved via the Internet, using chat, email, websites, etc.) as a compromise between exhibitionism and reality on the one hand, and safety and anonymity on the other. Online humiliation is the desire to be seen in a sexually embarrassing context on the Internet. This practice allows the submissive to seek fetish partners from across the world.
Common methods of online humiliation include public pillory. Embarrassing photographic or video assignments for submissives, who must humiliate themselves on camera, etc.
The requirement for submissives to keep online journals detailing personal information, such as masturbation frequency and details.
Publicly bidding for items that reveal their fetishes.
Money slavery, in which the submissive must buy the dominant gifts and pay the dominant’s bills and taxes
Homework slavery, in which the submissive must do the dominant’s homework or occupational work
Repetitive assignments, such as copying the phone book, etc.
Forcing the submissive to post pictures of himself or herself online
Humiliating the submissive by changing his or her stats on social sites.
These practices can be conducted through chat, webcam, e-mail, BDSM contact websites, and proprietary virtual spaces such as Second Life.
Posted: February 3, 2013 Filed under: alt-porn, Chus Martinez, fetishism, film, pornography, sex | Tags: BDSM, bottom, cross-dressing, effeminiphobia, erotic humiliation, feminime men, feminine, forced feminisation, gay, gender, homophobia, infantalist, infantilism, masculinity, men, misogyny, queens, queer studies, sadomasochism, shemale, sissy, sissy baby, sissy maker, sissymaker, sissymaker porn, sissymaker video, sissyphobia, tomboy, transgender
Sissy (derived from sister, also sissy baby, sissy boy, etc.) is a pejorative term for a boy or man who violates or does not meet the standard male gender role. Generally, sissy implies a lack of courage and stoicism, which are thought important to the conventional bourgeois male role.
A man might also be considered a sissy for being interested in traditional feminine hobbies or employment (e.g., being fond of fashion), displaying effeminate behaviour (e.g., saying “mua mua” before hanging up the phone or using creams), being unathletic, or being homosexual.
Sissy is, approximately, the male converse of tomboy (a girl with masculine traits or interests), but has none of the latter’s positive connotations. Even amongst gay men, behaviour thought of as sissy or camp produces mixed reactions. Some men reclaim the term for themselves.
The term sissyphobia denotes a negative cultural reaction against “sissy boys”. Sissyphobia has more recently been used in some queer studies; other authors in this latter area have proposed effeminiphobia as an alternative term.
Sissyphobia arises as combination of misogyny and homophobia. Acting straight regardless of sexual orientation produces and reproduces anti-femininity and homophobia. For example, feminine gay men are often labelled “fem,”“bitchy,” “pissy,” “sissy,” or “queen. They are perceived as acting like “women,” spurring straight-acting gay men to have negative attitudes toward gay feminine men. This is sissyphobia.
Masculinity has been (historically) defined as the flight from women and the repudiation of femininity. Thus, sissyphobia becomes a strategy for straight-acting gay and straight men to justify and empower their masculinity.
Sissy takes on more specific meanings in the transgender, infantilist, and BDSM communities (especially through forced feminization or petticoating practices). In the BDSM practice of forced feminisation, the male bottom undergoing cross-dressing may be called a sissy as a form of erotic humiliation, which may elicit guilt or sexual arousal, or possibly both, depending on the individual.
In infantilism, a sissy baby is a man who likes to play the role of a baby girl.
In recent years a new genre of porn has emerged that claims to cure straight-acting men (regardless of their actual sexuality) of their straightness and sexism – the sissymaker video. These are fast cut scratch-style shorts of various conventional porn acts spliced with hypnotic, psychedelic and subliminal or near subliminal elements that allegedly turn straight-acting men into sissies!
Whether sissymaker videos actually do what their makers’ claim is a moot point, but watching porn (and especially shemale porn) just became even more fun!
Posted: December 20, 2012 Filed under: body art, Chus Martinez, fetishism, sex, sport, yoga and spirituality | Tags: BDSM, BDSM yoga, bondage, bottom, breathing, chus martinez, discipline, dominatrix, erotic torture, fitness, fleibility, kink scene, meditation, mental focus, paddling, Panayama, punishment, relaxation, sado-masochism, spanking, submissive, tantric sex, top, yoga
If you want to fully participate in the BDSM (bondage discipline sado-masochism) and kink scenes as a submissive then you need to be fit. Complex bondage techniques require that the bound submissive’s body is flexible and that they possess mental clarity and focus. All these things are necessary if they are to enjoy and endure long BDSM session.
Yoga is best combined with a mixture of cardio exercise and resistance training with weights for both general fitness and BDSM activities. All exercise regimes offer possibilities for erotic torture but the ascetic spiritual element within yoga means that it is particularly suited and easily adapted to BDSM.
Above and below: child’s pose also known as spankers pose.
Chus Martinez has been a film theorist for more than fifteen years (so she knows a thing or two about reducing actors and directors to tears), she is also a therapist, yoga instructor and top (in other words she adopts the dominant role in BDSM games). Thus she knows from personal experience that levels of fitness, flexibility and concentration required in really hot BDSM. Chus has recently developed a series of yoga workshops aimed at bottoms and switches (those who take on the submissive as well as dominant roles in BDSM), in which she not only gets them in better shape to take punishment – she also abuses them while she’s doing it!
Above and below: downward dog or advanced ass paddling pose.
The Martinez workshops combine flexibility exercises with yoga poses – these will correct poor posture and the lack of endurance that limit one’s success as a practitioner of erotic sadomasochism. The classes will improve muscle tone, elasticity and joint mobility. Likewise, Panayama breathing techniques will not only increase bodily health, they’ll also increase mental focus. Guided meditation sessions will focus on how to become more submissive and get more enjoyment from such submission.
Above: happy baby also known as female submissive penetration pose.
Chus expects students to turn up for a minimum of two seessions of an hour and a half a week. Those who miss classes will be punished, but then everyone will be paddled on the arse while holding positions such as downward dog. As the course progresses various tantric sex techniques will be introduced. Rather than chanting OM students are made to repeat special mantras such as: “I am a turd, a lowly abject turd.”
Among other abuse will be put downs for those unable to relax as required – just yesterday Chus abused a student who was unable to straighten her arms in down dog by observing: “Do you think you’re such an important person that you need to retain all that tension in your shoulders? Well let me tell you you’re not important and that there’s something seriously wrong with you if you can’t relax your shoulders. If you’re to get anywhere with BDSM you’ll have to abase yourself before me before I let you attend one more class…”
Posted: December 18, 2012 Filed under: aesthetics, body art | Tags: arse, art, art project, ass, backside, booty, bottom, bum, butt, buttocks, chus martinez, tail
The buttocks (singular: buttock) are two rounded portions of the anatomy, located on the posterior of the pelvic region of apes and humans, and many other bipeds or quadrupeds, and comprise a layer of fat superimposed on the gluteus maximus and gluteus medius muscles. Physiologically, the buttocks enable weight to be taken off the feet while sitting. In many cultures they play a role in sexual attraction. Many cultures have also used them as a safe target for corporal punishment. There are several connotations of buttocks in art, fashion, culture and humour, and the English language is replete with many popular synonyms.
The buttocks are formed by the masses of the gluteal muscles or ‘glutes’ (the gluteus maximus muscle and the gluteus medius muscle) superimposed by a layer of fat. The superior aspect of the buttock ends at the iliac crest, and the lower aspect is outlined by the horizontal gluteal crease. The gluteus maximus has two insertion points: 1/3 superior portion of the linea aspera of the femur, and the superior portion of the iliotibial tractus. The masses of the gluteus maximus muscle are separated by an intermediate intergluteal cleft or “crack” in which the anus is situated.
The buttocks allow primates to sit upright without needing to rest their weight on their feet as four-legged animals do. Females of certain species of baboon have red buttocks that blush to attract males. In the case of humans, females tend to have proportionally wider and thicker buttocks due to higher subcutaneous fat and proportionally wider hips.
Some baboons and all gibbons, though otherwise fur-covered, have characteristic naked callosities on their buttocks. While human children generally have smooth buttocks, mature males and females have varying degrees of hair growth, as on other parts of their body. Females may have hair growth in the gluteal cleft (including around the anus), sometimes extending laterally onto the lower aspect of the cheeks. Males may have hair growth over some or all of the buttocks.
The English word of Greek origin “callipygian” indicates someone who has beautiful buttocks. However, the qualities that make buttocks beautiful or well-formed are not fixed, as sexual aesthetics of the buttocks vary considerably from culture to culture, from one period of fashion to another and even from person to person.
Depending on the context, exposure of the buttocks in non-intimate situations can cause feelings of embarrassment or humiliation, and embarrassment or amusement in an onlooker. Expressions such as being caught with one’s pants/ trousers down or more explicitly in Dutch, “met de billen bloot” (“with bared buttocks”), use the image as a metaphor for non-physical embarrassment as well.
Willfully exposing one’s own bare buttocks as a protest, a provocation, or just for fun is called mooning.
In many punitive traditions, the buttocks are a common target for corporal punishment, which can be meted out with no risk of long-term physical harm compared with the dangers of applying it to other parts of the body, such as the hands, which could easily be damaged The buttocks have often been described as “the place provided by nature” for this purpose.
In Western and some other cultures, many comedians, writers and others rely on the buttocks as a source of amusement, camaraderie and fun, despite (or in some cases for the sake of) the risk of being in dubious taste, if not censored.
n the majority of modern cultures, the buttocks are rarely shown naked and are generally considered unsuitable for ornamental body markings and body modification. However, they may be preferential for discreet markings, such as secretive membership proof or to be shown in intimate company (e.g. amongst lovers).
In American English, phrases use the buttocks or synonyms (especially “butt” and “ass”) as a synecdoche or pars pro toto for a whole person, often with a negative connotation. For example, terminating an employee may be described as “firing his ass”. One might say “move your ass” or “haul ass” as an exhortation to greater haste or urgency. Expressed as a function of punishment, defeat or assault becomes “kicking one’s ass”. Such phrases also may suggest a person’s characteristics, e.g. difficult people are termed “hard asses”. In America an annoying person or any source of frustration may be termed “a pain in the ass” (a synonym for “a pain in the neck”), while an incompetent or ignorant person is sometimes called a “dumbass”, and an annoying person a “jackass”. People deemed excessively puritanical or proper may be termed “tight asses” (in Australia and New Zealand, “tight arse” refers to someone who is excessively miserly).
Because many cultures have a nudity taboo, which usually applies specifically to the buttocks (as usually to the most erogenous zones), mainstream garments generally cover the buttocks completely, even when it is not a practical requirement. Nevertheless male and female clothing is often designed in a way that reveals the shape of the buttocks under the clothing.
Some articles of clothing are designed to expose the buttocks. Such clothing is not generally worn in public situations; however, it is sometimes considered appropriate to wear such clothing at swimming facilities or at the beach.
More recently, the cleavage of the buttocks is sometimes exposed by some women, deliberately or accidentally, as fashion dictated trousers be worn lower, as with hip-hugger pants.