Orgasm control, also known as “edging”, “peaking”, “surfing”, and by other terms, is a sexual technique that involves the maintenance of a high level of sexual arousal for an extended period of time without reaching orgasm, although a climax may be reached eventually. If orgasm is not reached after the extended period of arousal, it is referred to as erotic sexual denial. If the partner whose orgasm is being controlled, sometimes referred to as the submissive partner, is put into physical restraints, it may better control the orgasm (the activity is sometimes called tie and tease and if orgasm is denied it is tease and denial). Another possibility is for one partner to help produce multiple orgasms in the other.
Orgasm control can involve either one-sex partner being in control of the other partner’s orgasm, or someone delaying their own orgasm during either sexual intercourse or masturbation. To experience orgasm control, any method of sexual stimulation can be used – for example, manual, oral, intercourse, or with sex toys – either alone or by means of one or more active partners. Orgasm control is sometimes called “slow masturbation” or “extended massive orgasm”. It is similar to the Venus Butterfly technique described by Leah and Bob Schwartz in The One Hour Orgasm (1988).
In a two-person sexual activity, one partner would stimulate the other, gradually bringing them up to the point high in the plateau phase where an orgasm is actually building, and will then reduce the level of stimulation to just below that needed to trigger release. By carefully varying the intensity and speed of stimulation, and by practising with the same partner to learn their responses, a person can be held in the highly aroused state near orgasm for extended periods of time. This process may be repeated as desired, but at some point repetition may cause the urge to orgasm to become overwhelming. Once enough stimulation to achieve an orgasm is provided, the release is often stronger than usual.
Since orgasm control prolongs the experience of powerful sexual sensations occurring during the final build-up to orgasm, the physical demands of being kept or keeping oneself in this highly excited state for an extended time can induce a pleasurable, almost euphoric state, and at times creates changes within an individual’s consciousness.
Orgasm control requires a degree of skill. It also requires enough familiarity with either a partner or one’s own responses to be able to vary the intensity and the timing of the stimulation accurately. If there is too little stimulation, or if it is reduced too soon, the experience is not as intense as it could have been. If there is too much stimulation, a person may pass the point of no return and orgasm occurs too soon.
Long term intimacy between orgasm control partners helps each to understand the level of erotic intensity required by their partner. The technique is an acquired skill that is developed through practice. Performing orgasm control with the same partner(s) for extended periods of time generally leads to greater success at the practice. The technique requires all partners to be aware of the others’ limits’. Likewise, in order to control your own orgasm, you need a good knowledge of your own body and how it reacts to different levels of sexual stimulation. Orgasm control is as much about knowing your own body as it is about the sexual skills of your partner(s).
Since solo masturbation allows for precise control over sexual stimulation, many people practice orgasm control by themselves. Masturbation is an easy way to learn one’s sexual limits. Wanking practiced with the aim of orgasm control should be carried out with the intention of making every stroke feel exquisite and not to relieve tension, in the way “simple” masturbation does. This can be done through a gradual stimulation of the genitals , followed by making connections between the primary area (penis or clitoris) and secondary areas (lips, nipples or other erogenous body parts). A proper connection between genitals and other areas has been established when they are stimulated with the same moves and to the same intensity.