Chus Martinez On Orgasmic Meditation

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Orgasmic meditation or OMing is a term coined by Nicole Daedone to signify a mindfulness practice in which the object of meditation is finger to genital contact. OMing is practiced in pairs, with one practitioner stroking the genitals of the other, and both focusing their attention on the sensation with the stated goal of developing connective resonance between them. Although the practitioners can be of either sex, the focus of orgasmic meditation seems to be on the female orgasm through subtle and deliberate stimulation of the clitoris. Both partners, however, can share in the sensation and fulfillment via a kind of “pleasure by proxy.” Proponents state that orgasmic meditation encompasses more than just orgasm and that it encourages greater emotional awareness, connected relationships, and sense of fulfillment. Others describe the sensation as “a heady buzz, mixed with equal parts wooziness and intensity of focus.”

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In press accounts, orgasmic meditation has been compared to tantric practices. The idea, similar to Buddhist Tantric sex, is to extend the sensory peak. Daedone has stated in interviews that OMing also borrows from other traditions including yoga, and other forms of meditation, and she describes it as a central element of what she terms the “Slow Sex Movement”. She claims that OMing brings consciousness to sexuality in the same way that sitting meditation brings consciousness to stillness and yoga brings consciousness to movement. Proponents maintain that the practice leads to more intense and profound orgasms, expands one’s capacity to feel pleasure and other sensations, and promotes greater personal awareness and interpersonal connectivity. Others describe more limited effects, such as simply “getting in touch with one’s body.” Some who have participated in or witnessed the practice report feeling a sense of discomfort or inappropriateness. “I tried with great futility to make the connection between an austere Zen monastery filled with silent monks meditating on emptiness, and what I had just seen.”

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The practice of orgasmic meditation is done with a partner. One person lies down, unclothed from the waist down, while her partner sits alongside. The one sitting uses his or her index finger to slowly, deliberately stroke the clitoris and genitals of the other. Typically this safe sex practice involves the wearing of gloves. The session lasts for 15 minutes and is timed precisely. Both partners focus their attention on the point of contact or stroke, simply feeling the sensation that is present. If the mind drifts, attention is brought back to the point of contact and immediate sensations. Practitioners of orgasmic meditation maintain that the practice nourishes the limbic system, the part of the brain shared with other mammals and associated with emotion, empathy, and motivation. When the OMing session is over, both partners share their experiences verbally.

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OMing requires a partner, and so is distinct from masturbation, for two reasons. First, the voluntary mind must be given a rest, surrendering to the experience rather than seeking to produce the desired sensations. Secondly, the resonance between two partners is essential to the experience of shared sensation. OM is usually practiced separately from sex and often in a location other than the bedroom; as distinct from foreplay, Daedone describes it as a practice “designed to keep a woman on a plateau of sensation.” A visiting UK columnist surmised that “OM is a form of recalibration that prepares the body for better, more intense sex.”

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In The Four Hour Body, a New York Times Best Seller described as “a lab report on more than a decade of diet, exercise, and sexual trials that Tim Ferriss carried out on himself,” two chapters are devoted to “The 15 Minute Female Orgasm” in which Ferriss describes his quest to learn to facilitate the experience of orgasm in any woman. After describing his introduction to the practice in a OneTaste coaching session, Ferriss concludes that “this should be required education for every man on the planet.” However, he finds that the position prescribed for orgasmic meditation can cause tiring in the lower back, so he develops his own alternative “elbow-brace position” which he diagrams in his book, along with the anatomy of the clitoris and mechanics of stroking. He ascribes the success of the method to the fact that it is presented as a goalless practice and that it decouples orgasm from sex. Jack Canfield, co-editor for the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, also states that he and his wife had great success with orgasmic meditation.

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